Gone Gold Forum


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Gone Gold Forum   » Gaming   » PC Games By Title   » GG Challenge: Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) (Page 4)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!  
This topic is comprised of pages: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Author Topic: GG Challenge: Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito)
CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
 -

dammit, I think I justed busted something over this one [Big Grin]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
gee.. I guess the Hipolito Sausalito Fan club has died [Razz] Don't worry Hip! I'll be your #1 fan [Wink]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
#1 fan? That sounds like trouble.

 -

Stay tuned for the grand finale!

Laner
Gone Golder
Extra Funky

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Laner   Author's Homepage   Email Laner         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nah, I'm following along as well, just haven't posted anything yet. Muy bien [Smile]

--------------------
It’s better to have the highest goal and fail, than to set a low goal and succeed.

DVDs | Games | Blog/Site | Open Source Classic Gaming (Upd. 08.04.04)

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
And now, MinMax Films proudly presents the two-part series finale. Richard Garriott's...

 -

(Spoilers)

Once we chopped the sea creatures into chum, Tubbs brought the ship to the fjords that formed the entrance to the island of the Abyss. "Now would be the best time to affix that magical wheel from the H.M.S. Cape," he said. He removed the steering wheel and screwed the Cape wheel in its place. As soon as he was done with that, a burst of blue light swept over the ship and hardened to form a protective dome. Our firepower doubled as new cannons emerged from the hull. The best changes happened right on the deck. Pool tables and chairs sprung from the floorboards. A hot tub formed out of thin air. And we were suddenly surrounded by smiling, sun-kissed women holding bottles of beer.

"Fantastic!" exclaimed a thrilled Shamino as he leaped into the hot tub to join the women there.

"I know!" I said as I danced the cha-cha with some ladies to the tune of calypso music. "Tubby, you should have put that thing on sooner!"

"I suppose the Abyss can wait another day," replied the bard as he happily poured margaritas for his new female admirers.

After a few minutes of this silliness, Jaana went up to Tubbs and gave him an "ahem" look. "Right," Tubbs said contritely. "On with the mission. You all can stay, though." The ladies whooped at the good news.

All became solemn as our boat slowly passed between the fjords. The island looked forlorn, but peaceful. A lava-topped mountain range loomed in the horizon, and the mere sight of it made me feel uncomfortably warm.

The fjords gave way to a large bay. We could see activity all around the shore: boats. There were many of them, and they were coming in our direction.

"Tubbs, what have you done?!" I shrieked.

"You brought us into a trap!" said Jaana.

"Hey, this is where that dude in Cove told us go!" replied Tubbs. "How was I supposed to know? I guessed there'd be danger, but I wasn't expecting the Spanish Armada."

 -

"What a' we gone ta doo?" asked Geoffrey.

"There's still time to turn around and leave this island," said Jaana. "We can return to safety, to our lives." She fixed me as long and meaningful a look as the circumstances could afford. "Sausalito, however you decide. I will be with you. We all will."

The enemy frigates and battleships were picking up speed and locking their weapons onto us. I thought of all the hardship and shame, all the exploitation and abuse that my friends and I had gone through. We could go back, I thought, and no one would judge us the lesser. But everything must have an ending. With bitter tears in my eyes, I yelled, "Sheeps' wool may shrink in rain, but a shepherd never shrinks from any challenge!"

BAROOOM thundered the first volley. The fun-time ladies screamed in terror as a fusillade of fiery cannonballs flew toward us. We braced for impact, but the cannonballs burst harmlessly against the protective shield. "Dupre, get these women below deck!" ordered Captain Tubbs as he threw the wheel left and right to evade fire. "Shambo and Sauce-Man, load those guns. The rest of you, get ready to rumble!"

We fought as a unit. Julia bravely stood in the crow's nest and called out which enemies were closest to us, while Tubbs swiveled our ship so that our broadsides always faced them. Shamino and I kept the guns loaded, as Jaana and Geoffrey fired them with deadly accuracy. Dupre made sure that all the beer girls stayed safely in the cabins and extinguished the occasional deck fire with Tubbs' margarita mix. Mariah slowed the enemies' charge with her Winds spellcasting. When a few of them closed to boarding range, we brandished our personal weapons and fell upon the dreaded sailors as they invaded. There was no mercy. When it was all over, the bay was thick with blood and gun oil, and only our ship remained afloat. The force field dome was at half strength; without it, we'd be canned tuna.

Victorious and notorious, we reached the shore. Unfortunately, we had wandered into another trap, this one created by the foul nature magics of the Abyss: raunchy marsh coated the only walkable path into the heart of the island.

 -

We marched through the swamp until it led to a mountain trail. Each one of us got poisoned, so it was eight Cure drinks down the hatch. Already, our supply of crucial magical reagents was dwindling. Halfway up the trail, we encountered a group of young people engaged in the pastime of "live action roleplaying." They took on the guise of legendary warriors and monsters, and play-acted in battle. They invited us to participate:

 -

We did not think it appropriate to play such a dangerous and mind-addling game, so we showed them some live-action reality and hacked them to ham hocks.

Our feet were weary, but we found ourselves high up the lava-laden mountains before long. A pillar of fire shielded the entrance to the Abyss, glowing and billowing like an evil banner. Our bodies seared with pain as we trod past the pools of lava. I winced with every step, but kept my mind on the bravery of my companions to stay motivated. Tubbs' loyalty, Jaana's wisdom, Mariah's talent, Shamino's determination, Geoffrey's valor, Julia's perseverance, Dupre's ... well, I never did know what to make of him. "I'm so glad to be with you, my friends," I said to them all, "here at the end of all things." They just kind of ignored me and shuffled on.

Our walking speed slowed to a few feet per minute as the waves of heat pushed against us and the ground burned the soles of our feet. Man, it was hot.

 -

It was so hot, the lava lizards didn't even bother attacking, they just spread their arms and said, "Take that!"

At last, we stood before the entrance. "The skull," I requested. Geoffrey removed the skull of Mondain from his potato sack and handed it to me.

"Yuck," said Mondain, "never put me back in that sack again, spudmonkey. Of course, a skull could be inside worse places, such as your head. Hold, where are we? Oh, I see." He seemed to notice the pillar of fire, which in turn seemed to notice him as it flinched away from us as if frightened by the evil artifact.

"So, you are truly going to do this?" Mondain asked.

"Yep," I answered, holding the skull with outstretched arms before me. The pillar of fire cringed further.

"Gonna toss me into that fire."

"That's the plan, Stan."

"Okay. But you ought to reconsider. I'm a talking skull. Think of how much you can get for me on eBay."

"Not interested."

"Did you know that I'm the Head of Vecna?"

"Head of Vecna's just an urban legend."

"So it is. I guess this is the end for me, then."

"Yeah-huh." I took a step forward and dropkicked the malignant ball of bone into the pillar of flame. The flame stretched and flickered like a candle in the wind, but it was anchored to its source and could not escape. "I'm coming Minnieeee!" Mondain shouted as he disappeared into the fire. The agonized flame contorted, contracted, and finally dissipated, revealing the entrance to the Abyss.

The entrance appeared to be a wall of rock, but closer inspection revealed massive gates carved out of it. Even closer inspection revealed some white bits of bone lying at the foot of the gates. "Look, just leave me be," said what remained of Mondain's jawbone. "Don't call me, don't call my agent. Do whatever you have to do with your Book of Love and your Cowbell of Courage and finish your absurd quest. I wash my hands of this Avatar hoo-hah. What are you waiting for? Was I as stupid as you when I was surrounded by flesh? Open the gate and go away! I need a vacation." A group of scruffy backpackers happened by, saw the skull pieces, and walked on, giving us dirty looks for making such a mess.

We began the ritual to open the entrance. First, Shamino rang the Bell of Courage. Bizarrely, Geoffrey started drooling. Don't know what that meant. Then, Jaana opened the Book of Truth and read aloud: "... in which the four quadrant corners of Earth rotate, equates to your four-corner bedroom, or to a four-corner classroom which represents the four corners of Earth—in which stupid and evil pedants teach dumb students one-corner knowledge." She stopped and gave me a confused look. I shrugged. She flipped to a different page and continued: "Hey stupid, are you too dumb to know there are four different simultaneous 24-hour days within a single ... it just goes on like this."

"I think that's enough," I said as I lit the Candle of Love. "Aw, the Candle's flame is in the shape of a heart," observed Julia. "How cute!" The great rock-hewn gates slowly swung open, pushing Mondain's bits down the slopes and out of our lives. The threshold of the Abyss gaped open, revealing the darkness of ignorance, into which we boldly plodded. What awaits us in the Stygian Abyss? The enlightenment of the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom, or the embarrassment of a Cream Pie to the Face? Find out next time in Ultima IV: The Final Conclusion!

On edit: added the sentence about the backpackers.

[ 08-04-2004, 08:40 AM: Message edited by: Hipolito ]

CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
 -

Best.gif.EVAR!!!!! You should send Stephen a copy [Big Grin]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

The Meal
Golden Moderator

Icon 2 posted      Profile for The Meal   Author's Homepage   Email The Meal         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dang, even your tangential reference links are funny. The _Head_ of Vecna!?! Awesome. Although, of course, I'm most partial to the pseudo-timecube passages (Al Stewart not withstanding).

~The Meal

--------------------
Power to the preamp!

JiffyPeanutButter
Gone Golder

Icon 14 posted      Profile for JiffyPeanutButter   Email JiffyPeanutButter         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Fantastic, as always. Can't wait for the finale! [Big Grin]

--------------------
GGOOTP Chicago White Sox
Blog!

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by The Meal:
Although, of course, I'm most partial to the pseudo-timecube passages (Al Stewart not withstanding).

Alright, now who is Al Stewart and why is he not with standing?

Actually, when I think of "Time Cube," I think of the greatest rock band that ever existed:

 -

The Meal
Golden Moderator

Icon 2 posted      Profile for The Meal   Author's Homepage   Email The Meal         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Although, of course, I'm most partial to the pseudo-timecube passages (Al Stewart not withstanding).
Time Passages -- Al Stewart

~The Meal

[ 08-04-2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: The Meal ]

--------------------
Power to the preamp!

Smoove_B
Gone Golder
Area Man

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Smoove_B   Author's Homepage   Email Smoove_B         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Tell you what Hip - you've certainly raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting standards. [Smile]

--------------------
"Well Goddamn
I'm ape and God in one
A G.T.O. from the stars
Mentalla's favorite son "

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by CeeKay:
Best.gif.EVAR!!!!! You should send Stephen a copy [Big Grin]

I sent him an e-mail at saunders@gonegold.com and it bounced back saying that the mailbox didn't exist. Is he gone from Gone Gold? What will we do the next time someone extols the virtues of being a lumberjack?
Jeff Jones
Gone Golder
L33t haXXor!

Icon 14 posted      Profile for Jeff Jones   Author's Homepage   Email Jeff Jones         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Smoove_B:
Tell you what Hip - you've certainly raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting standards. [Smile]

I nominate this as one of the 10 Greatest Threads of All Time at GG. Maybe even the top 3. Hell, maybe THE best ever. I know sjsharks and myself have saved it to our hard drives to keep forEVAR. Great job, hipolito!

--------------------
http://www.jeffjones.org/ -- helpful links to control your PC

an0nym0us b0sch
Gone Golder

Icon 14 posted      Profile for an0nym0us b0sch   Author's Homepage   Email an0nym0us b0sch         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Jeff Jones:
quote:
Originally posted by Smoove_B:
Tell you what Hip - you've certainly raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting standards. [Smile]

I nominate this as one of the 10 Greatest Threads of All Time at GG. Maybe even the top 3. Hell, maybe THE best ever. I know sjsharks and myself have saved it to our hard drives to keep forEVAR. Great job, hipolito!

Hear, hear!  -

--------------------
"Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants."

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wow, thanks! Really appreciate all the comments, they've kept me going. Hopefully the Final Conclusion will be fit to post over the weekend. (I actually finished the game on Monday, so I already know how it ends, ha ha!)
CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Hipolito:
Wow, thanks! Really appreciate all the comments, they've kept me going. Hopefully the Final Conclusion will be fit to post over the weekend. (I actually finished the game on Monday, so I already know how it ends, ha ha!)

Wait.. is LB actually Sausalitos father? no wait! don't tell me!

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Oh great, now I have to make LB his aunt.
The Meal
Golden Moderator

Icon 2 posted      Profile for The Meal   Author's Homepage   Email The Meal         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
You know, the longer you make us wait for the exciting conclusion, the more we're going to expect out of you.

"Mommy, why does Aunt Beefsteak have a moustache?"

~The Meal

--------------------
Power to the preamp!

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I'll have more material tonight, I swear! Please don't raise your expectations just yet. Here, I'll tide you over with some samples from my upcoming book, 1,001 Classic Ultima Jokes.

Why did the Avatar cross the road? To get to the other shrine!

How many Avatars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: one to fetch the bulb from the bottom of a dungeon, one to cast "Light," and one to report the feat to Richard Garriott.

An Avatar walks into a bar and orders a vodka, plain. The bartender serves him. The Avatar chugs it and orders another vodka, then another. The bartender wonders why an Avatar would behave so irresponsibly, but keeps serving him. Soon, the Avatar is too plastered to even stay on the stool. His buddy, Shamino, tells the bartender, "He's trying to raise all his virtues." "How can he do that if he's drunk?" asks the bartender. Shamino explains: "He shows honor by paying his tab, compassion by tipping you well, honesty because being drunk gets him to admit anything, justice by bringing me along as his designated driver, sacrifice by giving up his brain cells, valor by drinking vodka straight, humility by leaving here on his hands and knees, and spirituality when he begs God tomorrow morning to kill him!"


Why does Aunt Beefsteak have a moustache? That's not a joke, I'm really asking.

CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
An Avatar walks into a bar and orders a vodka, plain. The bartender serves him. The Avatar chugs it and orders another vodka, then another. The bartender wonders why an Avatar would behave so irresponsibly, but keeps serving him. Soon, the Avatar is too plastered to even stay on the stool. His buddy, Shamino, tells the bartender, "He's trying to raise all his virtues." "How can he do that if he's drunk?" asks the bartender. Shamino explains: "He shows honor by paying his tab, compassion by tipping you well, honesty because being drunk gets him to admit anything, justice by bringing me along as his designated driver, sacrifice by giving up his brain cells, valor by drinking vodka straight, humility by leaving here on his hands and knees, and spirituality when he begs God tomorrow morning to kill him!"
Pardon me, I need to go build a temple in your honor now [Big Grin]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

Hentzau
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hentzau   Email Hentzau         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Hipolito:
I'll have more material tonight, I swear! Please don't raise your expectations just yet. Here, I'll tide you over with some samples from my upcoming book, 1,001 Classic Ultima Jokes.

An Avatar walks into a bar and orders a vodka, plain. The bartender serves him. The Avatar chugs it and orders another vodka, then another. The bartender wonders why an Avatar would behave so irresponsibly, but keeps serving him. Soon, the Avatar is too plastered to even stay on the stool. His buddy, Shamino, tells the bartender, "He's trying to raise all his virtues." "How can he do that if he's drunk?" asks the bartender. Shamino explains: "He shows honor by paying his tab, compassion by tipping you well, honesty because being drunk gets him to admit anything, justice by bringing me along as his designated driver, sacrifice by giving up his brain cells, valor by drinking vodka straight, humility by leaving here on his hands and knees, and spirituality when he begs God tomorrow morning to kill him!"

Bra-vo!

--------------------
Rupert of Hentzau
"I never kill where I have kissed!"

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
My picture bandwidth for today is nearly used up because of the huge GIF file sizes, so if you don't see the illustrations, please try again tomorrow morning.

And now, part two of three in this increasingly inaccurate "finale!"

(Spoilers)

"The Abyss is not like other dungeons we've faced," Shamino helpfully pointed out as we explored the island caverns. While the corridors and monsters looked familiar, the monster lairs were more elaborately arranged. Some of them formed labyrinths full of dead ends and hidden switches; if you went down the wrong way, you'd have to turn back and reactivate all the encounters. Secret doors were hidden in arbitrary places along the wall, and finding them was necessary. Most importantly, warp spells didn't work, so we had to soldier through each level. Instead of using the online dungeon maps, I made an honest attempt to make my own map with graph paper, just like we gamers had to do in olden tymes. Here's an approximate representation:

 -

It wasn't long before I gave up and went back to the online maps. Those of you who completed this game without such help, I salute with fear.

At least the monsters remained manageable at the easiest difficulty level, "Normal." (I had tried to make combat more interesting some time ago by switching to a harder level, but the monsters' higher hit points just made combat more tedious.) We were using the Mystic Swords and Mystic Robes that we'd obtained before sailing for the island. The Mystic Swords cut through scaly hide like soft, smelly cheese, and came with a lifetime guarantee.

I had been hesitant to place faith in the Mystic Robes or any other kind of armor, remembering how even that fancy breastplate failed to protect the armor salesman's assistant from getting clocked by Geoffrey. Jaana insisted that I try one on, though. As I put my arms through the sleeves, I noticed the label: "LBNY." Good grief, Lord Bubba has leveraged himself into the fashion industry? Is there no limit to his powerlust? Still, I smoothed down the garment and tied the sash, and felt a transformation as the robe's mystical energies honed my muscles and cleansed my pores. I became ... the Wooly Avenger!

With our improved weapons and armor, we faced the diverse death-dealers of the Abyss:

 -

Ultima IV is not a game for the inattentive. From the beginning, I've made many careless blunders, and have recounted to you only some of them. What happened on Level 7 of the Abyss was my worst mistake yet. We had entered a lair of enemies: mages, liches, demons, I don't remember which. As my companions flanked the foes, I rushed to the center of the room, where there happened to be a treasure chest. I stepped onto the chest not because I wanted its contents, but for purely tactical purposes. Instantly, a blue electrical field surrounded me, blocking movement in all directions. My only hope of escape was someone casting Dispel, and we only had one Dispel mixture.

Here's where I screwed up: I had myself cast Dispel instead of Mariah. Shepherds can't cast spells, so the attempt was unsuccessful. And, when you fail a spellcast, you lose the mixture. And you can't mix new spells during battle. Ergo, I wasn't going anywhere. As Rich LaPorte would say, "Super."

 -

What injustice! That force field was ostensibly meant to trap looters, but I had no intention of opening that chest. What would I have done with the money? We were near the end of the adventure, and there was nothing to buy in the Abyss. Well, there was a little gift shop outside the entrance. I suppose I could have used the gold to buy you guys a postcard.

 -

The only way out of this jam would be for our entire party to die so that we would awaken in Lord Birdbrain's throne room. I held the spacebar down to pass time, intending to starve everyone to death. Since we had over 300 units of food, this would take a very long while. Soon, I gave up. I exited the game, restarted, enabled the cheat mode, reloaded my saved game at the entrance of the Abyss, and used the powerful cheat codes to warp back down to Level 7 and try again. I didn't repeat the mistake, though my companions couldn't shake the feeling of déjà vu.

On Level 8, we uncovered the secret of the Stygian Abyss. No, it's not the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom, everyone knows about that. What could it be? Find out next time in what will certainly be the final finale, probably!

The Meal
Golden Moderator

Icon 10 posted      Profile for The Meal   Author's Homepage   Email The Meal         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Who's that on the stamp? I can't figure it out. [Frown]

Oh, and I would go see Avatar Wars. Seriously. Maybe.

Great stuff, as always.

~The Meal

--------------------
Power to the preamp!

Bubbles
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bubbles   Author's Homepage   Email Bubbles         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The man on the stamp is Richard Garriott.
CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Can't let this die.. must find out how it ends... need closure... [Razz]

Hippo, we await with bated breath.

(plus I bet the Meal excitedly clicks on this thread thinking it's been updated only to find out he's been duped and goes into an ice cream eating binge to sate his depression [Wink] )

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

Koz
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Koz   Author's Homepage   Email Koz         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Me and the Meal both [Mad]

Finish soon! I can't imagine it takes, like, you know, work to actually make these things [Big Grin]

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I'm nearly finished, but ran out of lime green pixels, so I have to go to the sto' to buy mo'. If my ambition doesn't exceed my endurance tonight, you may enjoy a nice surprise in the morning.
Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sausalito's journal has been brought to you by LB Snacks™. "When there's only choice, choose the best for your family: LB Snacks!"

(Spoilers!)

On Level 8, the last floor of the Stygian Abyss, we walked through a rocky corridor that grew narrower with each step. We had to walk in single file, and then even walk sideways, as the walls closed in. The passage soon became so cramped that we had to climb to the ceiling, where it was a bit wider, to continue. After several hundred feet of crawling through what had become a tiny tunnel, we saw the light of what appeared to be the outdoors. We emerged from the tunnel, slid down a short slope and took in our new surroundings.

Rolling hills spread out for miles, dotted with groves of oak and elderberry. A mild, sun-filtered breeze carried a deciduous scent. This was not the first time that the chaotic magics of the Abyss had mixed indoors and outdoors, so we were not taken aback by the sight. In fact, we found it a pleasant change from the dark, forlorn corridors.

However, after we walked some distance, the ground felt a bit different, the air smelled less fresh, and the trees stood not as tall. One of them fell right over when Tubbs leaned against it to adjust his sandal strap. Jaana sat on a boulder, which collapsed like paper under her weight. "What goes on?" asked Julia as she pulled up a patch of grass to find wooden floorboards underneath. Then, the breeze brought to us the sound of distant voices. We followed it, treading lightly and staying in the shadows of the dubious trees as we got closer to its source. As we cleared a hilltop, we saw a large group of people standing in a clearing, and quickly dropped prone to avoid being discovered.

Some people in the group stood, while others sat in chairs. Some handled strange devices and equipment. All their attention was on eight people standing in the center, talking to one another. The eight were dressed and equipped like my own party of eight. They were trying to talk like us, too.

 -

"They're making a bloody film about us!" whispered Geoffrey through gnashed teeth.

"And it's a bloody awful one," commented Jaana. The actor who resembled me touched the arm of the actress who resembled her and said, "I hate swamp. It's filthy and poisonous. Not like you. You bathe."

"I thought that breeze also carried the smell of ham!" said Shamino as he unsheathed his sword and stood up, heedless of being detected. "Let's slash their production values!"

Enraged by the corniness with which our lives were being portrayed, we fell upon cast and crew, scattering everyone from best boy to key grip. Our look-alikes tried to hold their positions, but since they were mere actors, they could only pretend-fight and were no match for us. "Keep rolling, this is great!" shouted the director, whose own head was also rolling after a swipe of Dupre's merciless halberd. Julia smashed the lights and boom mikes as Mariah set fire to the camera and film inside.

After making sure that this movie would never come to a multiplex near you, we noticed someone cowering behind the overturned catering truck. Geoffrey pulled him out and shoved him into our presence.

"Curses!" cursed Lord British. "I didn't think you'd actually go to the Abyss, much less make it this far."

"No wonder, then, you would think it safe to make your film down here," I said.

"Our Gollywood agents must have sold our story rights to you," said Jaana. "And you didn't even have the decency to come to us for script consultation?"

"Don't flatter yourself," replied LB. "Just because the movie was to be about you does not mean it needed you. This sabotage of my blockbuster is an outrage. You even got past the Spanish Armada?"

"Hasta la bye-bye," said Tubbs. "And the same goes for you." Tubbs whipped out his mystic sword and held the edge close to the sovereign's face:

 -

"Yes," said Jaana, "this travesty of filmmaking adds to the long list of crimes for which we are placing you under arrest."

"Wish I could stay," said LB, "but I have a market to manipulate. Ta-ta!" Before we realized what he was doing, he crossed his arms genie-style, wriggled his nose, and disappeared in a puff of Styrofoam peanuts.

Dejected, we all stared at the spot where the CEO of LB Snacks had again escaped justice.

"Someday," promised Jaana.

"Let's move on," I said. "We are near the end."

We found a cave that led back into the caverns and spelunked further, mopping up the final enemies in the dungeon with refreshing style.

 -

We found the door to the Chamber of the Codex. I used the three-part key to open the door's bizarre lock. The tumblers fell, but the door would not open. We all jumped at the sudden, loud ring of a voice over the intercom:

"Word of Passage?"

Ah, so this is the part of the game that some of you were complaining about on the first page of the thread. I knew the three syllables of the Word: "Amo," "Cor," and "Ver." But what was the correct order? This would be easy, thought I. I had to use the Bell of Courage, the Book of Truth, and the Candle of Love, in that order, to enter the Abyss, so the Word surely had to be "corveramo." How could those other Gone Golders have had so much trouble here? I am so smrt! Imagine my surprise when the voice over the intercom told me to try again. I suspected that I would not get an infinite number of chances, so I looked up the walkthrough to learn the correct Word. I spoke it into the intercom, and there was a loud buzzing sound. The door was unlocked.

Beyond the door was an antechamber in which a bored uniformed security guard was doing a Jumble word puzzle at her desk. She didn't look up from her puzzle as we entered and stood in front of her. After we stared at her expectantly for a minute, she finally sighed and drawled, "Yes?"

"We'd, uh, like to see the Codex?" I replied nervously.

"Name?"

"Sausalito Johnson McGillicutty."

"Occupation?"

"Shepherd. Was also a lawyer, until—"

"Marital status?"

"Single and unbetrothed."

The guard slowly got up and walked to a filing cabinet, making a big show of the effort. She pulled out a sheet of paper, sat back down heavily, and began reading aloud a series of questions to quiz me on the virtues and principles. The questions were on the order of, "Which virtue dost thou practice whilst sharing thy ham sandwich?" I had to look up a walkthrough for some of the answers, because the questions were kind of vague. The final question was the game's equivalent of "What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" I guess this was the Pure Axiom, which I had heard of in my overland travels but never deduced.

"Erm ... Truth! Love! Courage!" I attempted.

"No," answered the guard.

"Till all are one?"

"No."

"Be excellent to each other?"

"No."

"For those about to rock, we salute you?"

"No."

"What do you mean, African or European?"

"No."

"One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish?"

"No."

"I'm about to look up a walkthrough to find out what the Axiom is, since you won't let me pass without it, and I've gone through too much trouble to turn back now?"

"No."

Each of the "visions" I'd received while gaining an eighth of Avatarhood included a squiggly symbol. I figured that these symbols meant something, but I had no idea what. As I learned from the walkthrough, the symbols were letters from the game's runic alphabet, and I was supposed to write them down and decode them for the final answer. Oh well. I gave the guard the answer and she replied, "Go on in," followed by some mumbled instructions I couldn't make out. She picked up a pencil and returned to her Jumble puzzle. Not once during the entire exchange had she made eye contact with us, an admirable feat of apathy.

I stared at the doorway leading to the Chamber of the Codex. "Go for it, man," said Tubbs. "That place is for you and you alone."

"We'll be right here if you need us," said Jaana.

With my heart doing tai-bo kicks in my chest, I stepped slowly through the doorway. The Chamber was a little room even smaller than the antechamber, containing nothing but a rack of pamphlets and brochures with titles such as:

Looking and Feeling Virtuous
Are You Eating Enough Snacks?
Attachment Shepherding
Men Are From Mars, Women Ask For Directions
Are You an Orc or a Troll?
Humility: When You Stink at Everything Else
How to Perform a Navel Self-Examination
Chicken Vindaloo for the Soul
I'm 'Meh,' You're 'Meh'
Talking to Your Children About Safe Specs


After some perusing, my eyes fell upon the object of my quest:

 -

I took the one remaining copy and sat in a corner to read it. It stated that the Quest of the Avatar was really a lifelong journey, and that avatarhood was a living gift that needed to be nurtured constantly, and so on. I fell asleep trying to get through the thing, and when I awoke, I was back where I was before this whole story began: at the stonehenge. "Welcome back to the real world," I told myself.

It was over; the quest was finished. My shepherd's cane and Mystic Robe were gone, replaced by my favorite mesh shirt and Cavariccis. In one hand, I held my only souvenir from Britannia, the prize for enduring the ordeal:

 -

I stuck the Ankh in my back pocket and trudged to my home in the suburbs. I fixed myself a pickle-and-Vegemite sandwich and plopped in front of the television. In a curious intersection of realities, the evening news was reporting my achievement:

 -

I took the Ankh from my pocket and stared at my reflection in it. I thought of all the things mentioned in the Codex, and all the virtues I discovered. What was the point of finding them? Hadn't I only succeeded as LB's pawn in his mad quest for power? Did I inspire common townsfolk to be virtuous, or was I just passing by as they fell sway to his dominion? Who exactly did I help?

I flung the Ankh across the room, glad to put the whole sham behind me. The Ankh bounced off a wall and landed in a fish bowl, frightening the little goldfish inside so much that it leaped out and began flopping on the rug. My cocker spaniel, Chepito, made a beeline for the fish, knocking over a lamp that hit a bookshelf on the way down. The bookshelf had never been properly secured to the wall, so it now came down bringing all eighteen volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica upon my noggin. As I slowly extricated myself from the mess, covered with the bruises and papercuts of education, I realized the answer to my question. I did help some people, and now I wanted to be with them. I ran out of the house and belly flopped into the stonehenge by the fair, where a blue gate was shimmering...

--------------------------

"How many shrines must a shepherd find
Before he becomes Avatar?
And how many snacks must Lord British sell
Before he owns all near and far?
And how many posts will a gamer write
Before he decides it's the end?
The answer will be in the Codex, my friend
The answer will BLAAARRRGGHH!"


Tubbs's daughter had him in a playful headlock and pulled him to the ground, guitar and all, as we laughed at the old bard's awful songwriting. "Tell your old man it's time to retire, Julia!" said Shamino.

The moongate in the stonehenge had taken me back to the Renaissance fair, where I begged the gypsy to send me back to Britannia. She once again deposited me in Magincia. I used the Moongates to travel to where Tubbs, Jaana, Mariah, Shamino, Geoffrey, Dupre, Julia and I had planned to go after completing our quest: our vacation spot, Moonglow. My friends were relieved to see me after my disappearance from the Chamber of the Codex, and now we were enjoying an evening clambake on the beach near our favorite pagoda.

As Tubbs tuned his guitar for his next song, I got up to retrieve the six-pack of Balronkugel that I had left chilling in the ocean water. Jaana ran out to join me, and we waded together through the twin moons' reflections in the water.

"So, Jaana," I said as I tore off two beers from the six-pack, "what are your plans?"

"We're going after Lord British," she said. "Rather, I'm going after Lord British. We all seem to be heading our separate ways. You truly are going back to shepherding?"

"Ba-a-a-a!" Jaana gave me a shove. She hated when I did that. "Yup, tis the shepherd's life for me. Won't it be hard to take LB down on your own, though? We couldn't even touch him as a firm."

"I'm retaining a grassroots activist litigator named Zachariah Blackthorn. He's supposed to be very good."

"Good luck with that," I said, handing her a beer and opening my own.

We leisurely waded back toward the others in the cool ocean water. After a few steps, Jaana stopped and faced me.

"Sausalito," she said, "I know I took the firm on different paths than you envisioned. I know I marginalized you. I didn't return your affections, and can't blame you if you want to depart. But everything I have now, I owe to you. You showed me a world bigger than Yew, and brought out strengths I didn't know I had. I still need you. We have to prevent LB Snacks from destroying the junk food industry and dominating the economy. I cannot imagine doing it without you by my side. You may not be able to practice law, but we could start a new firm with you as our corporate executive. You'd make the business decisions, while Blackthorn and I fight in court. What say you?"

"No, Jaana," I replied. "I've decided that every person is an Avatar, and must go where his soul takes him. You're destined to become a great antitrust lawyer, while I'm just a simple shepherd who can't even cast spells. But a shepherd has battles, too, and people to help. My calling might not be as grand as your struggle against Lord British, but my sheep need me."

Jaana swallowed hard, and now stood very close to me. "But what about us?"

I took her hand and looked into her eyes for a long time. Then I turned to the moons, twin sentinels of a departing day. "Our destinies may take us apart," I said, "but we helped each other find them. That's our 'us.'"

 -


That's all she wrote! Thanks for letting me turn the challenge thread into my psychotic little experiment. I'm not sure what came over me, but it was fun. Thanks also for all the comments and encouragement. You motivated my madness.

As promised, I will set up a website for all this. It will be a while before it's ready, as I plan to do more than just copy and paste what I've written; I want it to be special. But I will post here when it's done. Maybe you guys can help me with the title for it. I'm thinking of naming it, "Ultima IV: ______," where the "______" would be one of the following:

  • The Shepherd's Tale
  • The Little Shepherd
  • Of Sheep and Snacks
  • Wool You Love Me Forever?
  • The Adventures of Sausalito
Do you guys think one of these would be good, or have a different idea?

Good night! Time to count me some sheep.

CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
/me applauds!

Let the cowbells ring in joy!

 -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Excellent work! bravo! bravisimo! quasimodo!

I'd go with 'Adventures of Sausalito' as the sub-title. So, to ask the question that is on everybodys mind:

What's your next project? Knights of the Old Republic? Ultima V? Minesweeper?

[Wink]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

The Meal
Golden Moderator

Icon 14 posted      Profile for The Meal   Author's Homepage   Email The Meal         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Of Sheep and Snacks would be my preference. Top-notch work from beginning to end.

At one point we debated having a "thread of the week" type post on the front page (to keep it semi-active), and this was unanimously selected (I was the only person who voted as the idea died on the vine). When you get a site up and running, I'm sure we can give you some front-page lovin'.

Thanks for sharing! Go recharge the batteries with minesweeper for a few weeks, and then promise us that you'll be back. [Smile]

~The Meal

--------------------
Power to the preamp!

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by CeeKay:
What's your next project? Knights of the Old Republic? Ultima V? Minesweeper?

Ultima V is right out! I've read about the plot, and have a pretty neat idea on how to make it sound like "The Matrix." (The Ultimatrix?) But if I Photoshop another game, I'd want to enjoy playing it, and I don't think I would if V is similar to IV.

I have an idea for for Knights of the Old Republic, but it wouldn't work on the forum since it would be user-interactive; I'd have to set up a website. That game would take a lot more skill to Photoshop, since its graphics are much closer to life.

Biyobi already did a good one for Minesweeper, though it was a bit abrupt. The main character obviously underwent a profound transformation, but I wouldn't have minded a bit of romance on the side.

I see my bandwidth for the day is already gone. I shouldn't have made that News Flash GIF so large in dimension.

bluefugue
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bluefugue           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
But if I Photoshop another game, I'd want to enjoy playing it, and I don't think I would if V is similar to IV.
[Frown] [Frown] [Frown]
Khelavaster
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Khelavaster   Email Khelavaster         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Absolutely hilarious !!!

But many pic links are broken now. I really want to save this for posterity... I request, no, demand the creation of a website to hold & preserve Sausalito's adventures !!!

Peace,
Khelavaster

Head
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Head   Email Head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Totally and utterly side splitting, cola out the nose hilarious, right down to the last GIF. Thank you so much Hipolito, for bringing huge smiles and sudden strange bursts of laughter coming out of my office on what is normally a mundane day at work.

~H

--------------------
Allie Keys: When you're little, you like to think you know everything, but the last thing you really want is to know too much. What you really want is for grown-ups to make the world a safe place where dreams can come true and promises are never broken. And when you're little, it doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

Khelavaster
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Khelavaster   Email Khelavaster         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Really, is it just my end or are nearly all of the images in page 3 down?
CeeKay
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for CeeKay   Email CeeKay         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Khelavaster:
Really, is it just my end or are nearly all of the images in page 3 down?

From what I understand Hippolito only has so much bandwith to host them with, and when it gets exceeded the pics go down for awhile [Frown]

--------------------
Ceekay on: Half-Life 2

Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
I'm sorry you guys are having trouble getting the images to load, I am too. In Internet Explorer, I emptied the cache and went through all four pages, and got all but two images on the fourth page (u4_89.gif and u4_90.jpg) to work. I tried loading those images individually, and get the "owner of this file has exceeded their daily usage limit" message, even though the usage bar on my image server account says I still have over half my bandwidth left. I emptied the cache and tried again, same problem with just two pictures.

Then I tried Netscape Navigator, and once again, I get all but those two pictures to load. Another weird thing is that my usage bar isn't tracking the usage correctly, saying that only a few KB have been used after I've downloaded megabytes (it's usually pretty accurate). I'll send an e-mail to my image server, Village Photos, maybe something is up on their end.

[ 08-19-2004, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: Hipolito ]

Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
To those who are getting red Xs for some of the pictures (as I still am), try the following:

  1. Right-click on the picture and copy the image URL
  2. Paste the URL in the address bar and add a question mark to the end of it
  3. Hit Enter
Assuming that I haven't run out of bandwidth, this should let you view the image. It's kind of a pain, but according to my image hosting service, it happens because the browser or ISP is not caching the image correctly. Adding the question mark "fools" the PC into thinking the image is new, so that it will load it from the hosting service rather than the cache.
Justin
Gone Golder

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Justin   Email Justin         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
quote:
Originally posted by Khelavaster:
Absolutely hilarious !!!

But many pic links are broken now. I really want to save this for posterity... I request, no, demand the creation of a website to hold & preserve Sausalito's adventures !!!

Peace,
Khelavaster

How about Ultima 8 instead? [Razz]
Hipolito
Gone Golder
2 hit points

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Hipolito           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote      IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Why not both?

Ultima VIII: THE SNACKS STRIKE BACK

Once upon a time in Britannia...

 -

The end.

I need help.




This topic is comprised of pages: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Gone Gold | Code of Conduct



Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0