Author |
Topic: GG Challenge: Ultima 4 (Now the
Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) |
CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
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dammit, I think I justed busted something over this
one ![[Big Grin]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/biggrin.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
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CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
IP: Logged |
gee.. I guess the Hipolito
Sausalito Fan club has died Don't worry Hip! I'll be your #1 fan ![[Wink]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/wink.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
IP: Logged |
#1 fan? That sounds like
trouble.
Stay tuned for the grand finale!
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Laner Gone Golder Extra Funky
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posted
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Nah, I'm following along as
well, just haven't posted anything yet. Muy bien ![[Smile]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/smile.gif)
-------------------- It’s better to have
the highest goal and fail, than to set a low goal and
succeed.
DVDs | Games | Blog/Site | Open Source
Classic Gaming (Upd. 08.04.04)
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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And now, MinMax Films
proudly presents the two-part series finale. Richard
Garriott's...
 page 4_files/u4_78.gif)
(Spoilers)
Once
we chopped the sea creatures into chum, Tubbs brought the ship
to the fjords that formed the entrance to the island of the
Abyss. "Now would be the best time to affix that magical wheel
from the H.M.S. Cape," he said. He removed the steering
wheel and screwed the Cape wheel in its place. As soon
as he was done with that, a burst of blue light swept over the
ship and hardened to form a protective dome. Our firepower
doubled as new cannons emerged from the hull. The best changes
happened right on the deck. Pool tables and chairs sprung from
the floorboards. A hot tub formed out of thin air. And we were
suddenly surrounded by smiling, sun-kissed women holding
bottles of beer.
"Fantastic!" exclaimed a thrilled
Shamino as he leaped into the hot tub to join the women
there.
"I know!" I said as I danced the cha-cha with
some ladies to the tune of calypso music. "Tubby, you should
have put that thing on sooner!"
"I suppose the Abyss
can wait another day," replied the bard as he happily poured
margaritas for his new female admirers.
After a few
minutes of this silliness, Jaana went up to Tubbs and gave him
an "ahem" look. "Right," Tubbs said contritely. "On with the
mission. You all can stay, though." The ladies whooped at the
good news.
All became solemn as our boat slowly passed
between the fjords. The island looked forlorn, but peaceful. A
lava-topped mountain range loomed in the horizon, and the mere
sight of it made me feel uncomfortably warm.
The fjords
gave way to a large bay. We could see activity all around the
shore: boats. There were many of them, and they were coming in
our direction.
"Tubbs, what have you done?!" I
shrieked.
"You brought us into a trap!" said
Jaana.
"Hey, this is where that dude in Cove told us
go!" replied Tubbs. "How was I supposed to know? I guessed
there'd be danger, but I wasn't expecting the Spanish
Armada."
 page 4_files/u4_79.gif)
"What
a' we gone ta doo?" asked Geoffrey.
"There's still time
to turn around and leave this island," said Jaana. "We can
return to safety, to our lives." She fixed me as long and
meaningful a look as the circumstances could afford.
"Sausalito, however you decide. I will be with you. We all
will."
The enemy frigates and battleships were picking
up speed and locking their weapons onto us. I thought of all
the hardship and shame, all the exploitation and abuse that my
friends and I had gone through. We could go back, I thought,
and no one would judge us the lesser. But everything must have
an ending. With bitter tears in my eyes, I yelled, "Sheeps'
wool may shrink in rain, but a shepherd never shrinks from any
challenge!"
BAROOOM thundered the first volley.
The fun-time ladies screamed in terror as a fusillade of fiery
cannonballs flew toward us. We braced for impact, but the
cannonballs burst harmlessly against the protective shield.
"Dupre, get these women below deck!" ordered Captain Tubbs as
he threw the wheel left and right to evade fire. "Shambo and
Sauce-Man, load those guns. The rest of you, get ready to
rumble!"
We fought as a unit. Julia bravely stood in
the crow's nest and called out which enemies were closest to
us, while Tubbs swiveled our ship so that our broadsides
always faced them. Shamino and I kept the guns loaded, as
Jaana and Geoffrey fired them with deadly accuracy. Dupre made
sure that all the beer girls stayed safely in the cabins and
extinguished the occasional deck fire with Tubbs' margarita
mix. Mariah slowed the enemies' charge with her Winds
spellcasting. When a few of them closed to boarding range, we
brandished our personal weapons and fell upon the dreaded
sailors as they invaded. There was no mercy. When it was all
over, the bay was thick with blood and gun oil, and only our
ship remained afloat. The force field dome was at half
strength; without it, we'd be canned tuna.
Victorious
and notorious, we reached the shore. Unfortunately, we had
wandered into another trap, this one created by the foul
nature magics of the Abyss: raunchy marsh coated the only
walkable path into the heart of the island.
 page 4_files/u4_80.jpg)
We
marched through the swamp until it led to a mountain trail.
Each one of us got poisoned, so it was eight Cure drinks down
the hatch. Already, our supply of crucial magical reagents was
dwindling. Halfway up the trail, we encountered a group of
young people engaged in the pastime of "live action
roleplaying." They took on the guise of legendary warriors and
monsters, and play-acted in battle. They invited us to
participate:
 page 4_files/u4_81.gif)
We
did not think it appropriate to play such a dangerous and
mind-addling game, so we showed them some live-action reality
and hacked them to ham hocks.
Our feet were weary, but
we found ourselves high up the lava-laden mountains before
long. A pillar of fire shielded the entrance to the Abyss,
glowing and billowing like an evil banner. Our bodies seared
with pain as we trod past the pools of lava. I winced with
every step, but kept my mind on the bravery of my companions
to stay motivated. Tubbs' loyalty, Jaana's wisdom, Mariah's
talent, Shamino's determination, Geoffrey's valor, Julia's
perseverance, Dupre's ... well, I never did know what to make
of him. "I'm so glad to be with you, my friends," I said to
them all, "here at the end of all things." They just kind of
ignored me and shuffled on.
Our walking speed slowed to
a few feet per minute as the waves of heat pushed against us
and the ground burned the soles of our feet. Man, it was
hot.
 page 4_files/u4_82.jpg)
It
was so hot, the lava lizards didn't even bother attacking,
they just spread their arms and said, "Take that!"
At
last, we stood before the entrance. "The skull," I requested.
Geoffrey removed the skull of Mondain from his potato sack and
handed it to me.
"Yuck," said Mondain, "never put me
back in that sack again, spudmonkey. Of course, a skull could
be inside worse places, such as your head. Hold, where are we?
Oh, I see." He seemed to notice the pillar of fire, which in
turn seemed to notice him as it flinched away from us as if
frightened by the evil artifact.
"So, you are truly
going to do this?" Mondain asked.
"Yep," I answered,
holding the skull with outstretched arms before me. The pillar
of fire cringed further.
"Gonna toss me into that
fire."
"That's the plan, Stan."
"Okay. But you
ought to reconsider. I'm a talking skull. Think of how much
you can get for me on eBay."
"Not
interested."
"Did you know that I'm the Head of Vecna?"
"Head of Vecna's just
an urban legend."
"So it is. I guess this is the end
for me, then."
"Yeah-huh." I took a step forward and
dropkicked the malignant ball of bone into the pillar of
flame. The flame stretched and flickered like a candle in the
wind, but it was anchored to its source and could not escape.
"I'm coming Minnieeee!" Mondain shouted as he disappeared into
the fire. The agonized flame contorted, contracted, and
finally dissipated, revealing the entrance to the
Abyss.
The entrance appeared to be a wall of rock, but
closer inspection revealed massive gates carved out of it.
Even closer inspection revealed some white bits of bone lying
at the foot of the gates. "Look, just leave me be," said what
remained of Mondain's jawbone. "Don't call me, don't call my
agent. Do whatever you have to do with your Book of Love and
your Cowbell of Courage and finish your absurd quest. I wash
my hands of this Avatar hoo-hah. What are you waiting for? Was
I as stupid as you when I was surrounded by flesh? Open the
gate and go away! I need a vacation." A group of scruffy
backpackers happened by, saw the skull pieces, and walked on,
giving us dirty looks for making such a mess.
We began
the ritual to open the entrance. First, Shamino rang the Bell
of Courage. Bizarrely, Geoffrey started drooling. Don't know
what that meant. Then, Jaana opened the Book of Truth and read
aloud: "... in which the four quadrant corners of Earth
rotate, equates to your four-corner bedroom, or to a
four-corner classroom which represents the four corners of
Earth—in which stupid and evil pedants teach dumb students
one-corner knowledge." She stopped and gave me a confused
look. I shrugged. She flipped to a different page and
continued: "Hey stupid, are you too dumb to know there are
four different simultaneous 24-hour days within a single ...
it just goes on like this."
"I think that's enough," I
said as I lit the Candle of Love. "Aw, the Candle's flame is
in the shape of a heart," observed Julia. "How cute!" The
great rock-hewn gates slowly swung open, pushing Mondain's
bits down the slopes and out of our lives. The threshold of
the Abyss gaped open, revealing the darkness of ignorance,
into which we boldly plodded. What awaits us in the Stygian
Abyss? The enlightenment of the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom, or
the embarrassment of a Cream Pie to the Face? Find out next
time in Ultima IV: The Final Conclusion!
On edit:
added the sentence about the backpackers.
[
08-04-2004, 08:40 AM: Message edited by: Hipolito ]
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CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
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Best.gif.EVAR!!!!! You should send Stephen a
copy ![[Big Grin]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/biggrin.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
The Meal Golden Moderator
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posted
IP: Logged |
Dang, even your tangential
reference links are funny. The _Head_ of Vecna!?! Awesome.
Although, of course, I'm most partial to the pseudo-timecube
passages (Al Stewart not withstanding).
~The
Meal
-------------------- Power to the
preamp!
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JiffyPeanutButter Gone Golder
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posted
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Fantastic, as always. Can't
wait for the finale! ![[Big Grin]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/biggrin.gif)
-------------------- GGOOTP Chicago White
Sox Blog!
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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quote:
Originally posted by The
Meal: Although, of course, I'm most partial to
the pseudo-timecube passages (Al Stewart not
withstanding).
Alright, now
who is Al Stewart and why is he not with
standing?
Actually, when I think of "Time Cube," I
think of the greatest rock band that ever existed:
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The Meal Golden Moderator
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posted
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quote:
Although, of course, I'm
most partial to the pseudo-timecube passages
(Al Stewart not withstanding).
Time Passages -- Al Stewart
~The
Meal
[ 08-04-2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by:
The Meal ]
-------------------- Power to the
preamp!
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Smoove_B Gone Golder Area Man
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posted
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Tell you what Hip - you've
certainly raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting
standards. ![[Smile]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/smile.gif)
-------------------- "Well Goddamn I'm
ape and God in one A G.T.O. from the stars Mentalla's
favorite son "
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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quote:
Originally posted by
CeeKay: Best.gif.EVAR!!!!! You should send
Stephen a copy
I sent him an
e-mail at saunders@gonegold.com and it bounced back saying
that the mailbox didn't exist. Is he gone from Gone Gold? What
will we do the next time someone extols the virtues of being a
lumberjack?
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Jeff Jones Gone Golder L33t haXXor!
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posted
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quote:
Originally posted by
Smoove_B: Tell you what Hip - you've certainly
raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting standards.
I nominate
this as one of the 10 Greatest Threads of All Time at GG.
Maybe even the top 3. Hell, maybe THE best ever. I know
sjsharks and myself have saved it to our hard drives to keep
forEVAR. Great job,
hipolito!
-------------------- http://www.jeffjones.org/ -- helpful links
to control your PC
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an0nym0us b0sch Gone Golder
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posted
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quote:
Originally posted by Jeff
Jones:
quote:
Originally posted by
Smoove_B: Tell you what Hip - you've certainly
raised the bar in terms of GG Challenge reporting
standards.
I nominate
this as one of the 10 Greatest Threads of All Time at GG.
Maybe even the top 3. Hell, maybe THE best ever. I know
sjsharks and myself have saved it to our hard drives to keep
forEVAR. Great job, hipolito!
Hear, hear!
 page 4_files/appl.gif)
-------------------- "Sometimes
life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see
that I forgot to put on my pants."
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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Wow, thanks! Really
appreciate all the comments, they've kept me going. Hopefully
the Final Conclusion will be fit to post over the weekend. (I
actually finished the game on Monday, so I already know how
it ends, ha ha!)
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CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
IP: Logged |
quote:
Originally posted by
Hipolito: Wow, thanks! Really appreciate all the
comments, they've kept me going. Hopefully the Final
Conclusion will be fit to post over the weekend. (I actually
finished the game on Monday, so I already know how it
ends, ha ha!)
Wait.. is LB
actually Sausalitos father? no wait! don't tell
me!
-------------------- Ceekay on: Half-Life
2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll reformat your hard
drive when you try and uninstall it and then Gabe Newell will
show up and take a big stinking dump on your keyboard while
pointing and laughing in your face as he screams 'Whose bitch
are you now?'
| |
Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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Oh great, now I have to
make LB his aunt.
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The Meal Golden Moderator
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posted
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You know, the longer you
make us wait for the exciting conclusion, the more we're going
to expect out of you.
"Mommy, why does Aunt Beefsteak
have a moustache?"
~The
Meal
-------------------- Power to the
preamp!
| |
Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
IP: Logged |
I'll have more material
tonight, I swear! Please don't raise your expectations just
yet. Here, I'll tide you over with some samples from my
upcoming book, 1,001 Classic Ultima Jokes.
Why
did the Avatar cross the road? To get to the other
shrine!
How many Avatars does it take to screw in a
lightbulb? Three: one to fetch the bulb from the bottom of a
dungeon, one to cast "Light," and one to report the feat to
Richard Garriott.
An Avatar walks into a bar and orders
a vodka, plain. The bartender serves him. The Avatar chugs it
and orders another vodka, then another. The bartender wonders
why an Avatar would behave so irresponsibly, but keeps serving
him. Soon, the Avatar is too plastered to even stay on the
stool. His buddy, Shamino, tells the bartender, "He's trying
to raise all his virtues." "How can he do that if he's drunk?"
asks the bartender. Shamino explains: "He shows honor by
paying his tab, compassion by tipping you well, honesty
because being drunk gets him to admit anything, justice by
bringing me along as his designated driver, sacrifice by
giving up his brain cells, valor by drinking vodka straight,
humility by leaving here on his hands and knees, and
spirituality when he begs God tomorrow morning to kill
him!"
Why does Aunt Beefsteak have a moustache?
That's not a joke, I'm really asking.
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CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
IP: Logged |
quote:
An Avatar walks into a
bar and orders a vodka, plain. The bartender serves him. The
Avatar chugs it and orders another vodka, then another. The
bartender wonders why an Avatar would behave so
irresponsibly, but keeps serving him. Soon, the Avatar is
too plastered to even stay on the stool. His buddy, Shamino,
tells the bartender, "He's trying to raise all his virtues."
"How can he do that if he's drunk?" asks the bartender.
Shamino explains: "He shows honor by paying his tab,
compassion by tipping you well, honesty because being drunk
gets him to admit anything, justice by bringing me along as
his designated driver, sacrifice by giving up his brain
cells, valor by drinking vodka straight, humility by leaving
here on his hands and knees, and spirituality when he begs
God tomorrow morning to kill him!"
Pardon me, I
need to go build a temple in your honor now ![[Big Grin]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/biggrin.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
Hentzau Gone Golder
|
posted
IP: Logged |
quote:
Originally posted by
Hipolito: I'll have more material tonight, I
swear! Please don't raise your expectations just yet. Here,
I'll tide you over with some samples from my upcoming book,
1,001 Classic Ultima Jokes.
An Avatar walks
into a bar and orders a vodka, plain. The bartender serves
him. The Avatar chugs it and orders another vodka, then
another. The bartender wonders why an Avatar would behave so
irresponsibly, but keeps serving him. Soon, the Avatar is
too plastered to even stay on the stool. His buddy, Shamino,
tells the bartender, "He's trying to raise all his virtues."
"How can he do that if he's drunk?" asks the bartender.
Shamino explains: "He shows honor by paying his tab,
compassion by tipping you well, honesty because being drunk
gets him to admit anything, justice by bringing me along as
his designated driver, sacrifice by giving up his brain
cells, valor by drinking vodka straight, humility by leaving
here on his hands and knees, and spirituality when he begs
God tomorrow morning to kill him!"
Bra-vo!
-------------------- Rupert of
Hentzau "I never kill where I have kissed!"
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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My picture bandwidth for
today is nearly used up because of the huge GIF file sizes, so
if you don't see the illustrations, please try again tomorrow
morning.
And now, part two of three in this
increasingly inaccurate
"finale!"
(Spoilers)
"The Abyss is not
like other dungeons we've faced," Shamino helpfully pointed
out as we explored the island caverns. While the corridors and
monsters looked familiar, the monster lairs were more
elaborately arranged. Some of them formed labyrinths full of
dead ends and hidden switches; if you went down the wrong way,
you'd have to turn back and reactivate all the encounters.
Secret doors were hidden in arbitrary places along the wall,
and finding them was necessary. Most importantly, warp spells
didn't work, so we had to soldier through each level. Instead
of using the online dungeon maps, I made an honest attempt to
make my own map with graph paper, just like we gamers had to
do in olden tymes. Here's an approximate
representation:
 page 4_files/u4_83.jpg)
It
wasn't long before I gave up and went back to the online maps.
Those of you who completed this game without such help, I
salute with fear.
At least the monsters remained
manageable at the easiest difficulty level, "Normal." (I had
tried to make combat more interesting some time ago by
switching to a harder level, but the monsters' higher hit
points just made combat more tedious.) We were using the
Mystic Swords and Mystic Robes that we'd obtained before
sailing for the island. The Mystic Swords cut through scaly
hide like soft, smelly cheese, and came with a lifetime
guarantee.
I had been hesitant to place faith in the
Mystic Robes or any other kind of armor, remembering how even
that fancy breastplate failed to protect the armor salesman's
assistant from getting clocked by Geoffrey. Jaana insisted
that I try one on, though. As I put my arms through the
sleeves, I noticed the label: "LBNY." Good grief, Lord Bubba
has leveraged himself into the fashion industry? Is there no
limit to his powerlust? Still, I smoothed down the garment and
tied the sash, and felt a transformation as the robe's
mystical energies honed my muscles and cleansed my pores. I
became ... the Wooly Avenger!
With our improved weapons
and armor, we faced the diverse death-dealers of the
Abyss:
 page 4_files/u4_84.jpg)
Ultima
IV is not a game for the inattentive. From the beginning, I've
made many careless blunders, and have recounted to you only
some of them. What happened on Level 7 of the Abyss was my
worst mistake yet. We had entered a lair of enemies: mages,
liches, demons, I don't remember which. As my companions
flanked the foes, I rushed to the center of the room, where
there happened to be a treasure chest. I stepped onto the
chest not because I wanted its contents, but for purely
tactical purposes. Instantly, a blue electrical field
surrounded me, blocking movement in all directions. My only
hope of escape was someone casting Dispel, and we only had one
Dispel mixture.
Here's where I screwed up: I had
myself cast Dispel instead of Mariah. Shepherds can't
cast spells, so the attempt was unsuccessful. And, when you
fail a spellcast, you lose the mixture. And you can't mix new
spells during battle. Ergo, I wasn't going anywhere. As
Rich LaPorte would say, "Super."
 page 4_files/u4_85.jpg)
What
injustice! That force field was ostensibly meant to trap
looters, but I had no intention of opening that chest. What
would I have done with the money? We were near the end of the
adventure, and there was nothing to buy in the Abyss. Well,
there was a little gift shop outside the entrance. I suppose I
could have used the gold to buy you guys a
postcard.
 page 4_files/u4_86.gif)
The
only way out of this jam would be for our entire party to die
so that we would awaken in Lord Birdbrain's throne room. I
held the spacebar down to pass time, intending to starve
everyone to death. Since we had over 300 units of food, this
would take a very long while. Soon, I gave up. I exited the
game, restarted, enabled the cheat mode, reloaded my saved
game at the entrance of the Abyss, and used the powerful cheat
codes to warp back down to Level 7 and try again. I didn't
repeat the mistake, though my companions couldn't shake the
feeling of déjà vu.
On Level 8, we uncovered the secret
of the Stygian Abyss. No, it's not the Codex of Ultimate
Wisdom, everyone knows about that. What could it be? Find out
next time in what will certainly be the final finale,
probably!
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The Meal Golden Moderator
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Who's that on the stamp? I
can't figure it out.
Oh, and I would go see Avatar Wars.
Seriously. Maybe.
Great stuff, as always.
~The
Meal
-------------------- Power to the
preamp!
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Bubbles Gone Golder
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posted
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The man on the stamp is
Richard Garriott.
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CeeKay Gone Golder
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posted
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Can't let this die.. must
find out how it ends... need closure...
Hippo, we await with bated
breath.
(plus I bet the Meal excitedly clicks on this
thread thinking it's been updated only to find out he's been
duped and goes into an ice cream eating binge to sate his
depression )
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
Koz Gone Golder
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Me and the Meal both
Finish soon! I can't imagine it takes, like,
you know, work to actually make these things
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
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posted
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I'm nearly finished, but
ran out of lime green pixels, so I have to go to the sto' to
buy mo'. If my ambition doesn't exceed my endurance tonight,
you may enjoy a nice surprise in the morning.
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Sausalito's journal has
been brought to you by LB Snacks™. "When there's only choice,
choose the best for your family: LB
Snacks!"
(Spoilers!)
On Level 8, the last
floor of the Stygian Abyss, we walked through a rocky corridor
that grew narrower with each step. We had to walk in single
file, and then even walk sideways, as the walls closed in. The
passage soon became so cramped that we had to climb to the
ceiling, where it was a bit wider, to continue. After several
hundred feet of crawling through what had become a tiny
tunnel, we saw the light of what appeared to be the outdoors.
We emerged from the tunnel, slid down a short slope and took
in our new surroundings.
Rolling hills spread out for
miles, dotted with groves of oak and elderberry. A mild,
sun-filtered breeze carried a deciduous scent. This was not
the first time that the chaotic magics of the Abyss had mixed
indoors and outdoors, so we were not taken aback by the sight.
In fact, we found it a pleasant change from the dark, forlorn
corridors.
However, after we walked some distance, the
ground felt a bit different, the air smelled less fresh, and
the trees stood not as tall. One of them fell right over when
Tubbs leaned against it to adjust his sandal strap. Jaana sat
on a boulder, which collapsed like paper under her weight.
"What goes on?" asked Julia as she pulled up a patch of grass
to find wooden floorboards underneath. Then, the breeze
brought to us the sound of distant voices. We followed it,
treading lightly and staying in the shadows of the dubious
trees as we got closer to its source. As we cleared a hilltop,
we saw a large group of people standing in a clearing, and
quickly dropped prone to avoid being discovered.
Some
people in the group stood, while others sat in chairs. Some
handled strange devices and equipment. All their attention was
on eight people standing in the center, talking to one
another. The eight were dressed and equipped like my own party
of eight. They were trying to talk like us, too.
 page 4_files/u4_87.jpg)
"They're
making a bloody film about us!" whispered Geoffrey through
gnashed teeth.
"And it's a bloody awful one," commented
Jaana. The actor who resembled me touched the arm of the
actress who resembled her and said, "I hate swamp. It's filthy
and poisonous. Not like you. You bathe."
"I thought
that breeze also carried the smell of ham!" said Shamino as he
unsheathed his sword and stood up, heedless of being detected.
"Let's slash their production values!"
Enraged by the
corniness with which our lives were being portrayed, we fell
upon cast and crew, scattering everyone from best boy to key
grip. Our look-alikes tried to hold their positions, but since
they were mere actors, they could only pretend-fight and were
no match for us. "Keep rolling, this is great!" shouted the
director, whose own head was also rolling after a swipe of
Dupre's merciless halberd. Julia smashed the lights and boom
mikes as Mariah set fire to the camera and film
inside.
After making sure that this movie would never
come to a multiplex near you, we noticed someone cowering
behind the overturned catering truck. Geoffrey pulled him out
and shoved him into our presence.
"Curses!" cursed Lord
British. "I didn't think you'd actually go to the Abyss, much
less make it this far."
"No wonder, then, you would
think it safe to make your film down here," I
said.
"Our Gollywood agents must have sold our story
rights to you," said Jaana. "And you didn't even have the
decency to come to us for script consultation?"
"Don't
flatter yourself," replied LB. "Just because the movie was to
be about you does not mean it needed you. This sabotage of my
blockbuster is an outrage. You even got past the Spanish
Armada?"
"Hasta la bye-bye," said Tubbs. "And the same
goes for you." Tubbs whipped out his mystic sword and held the
edge close to the sovereign's face:
 page 4_files/u4_88.jpg)
"Yes,"
said Jaana, "this travesty of filmmaking adds to the long list
of crimes for which we are placing you under
arrest."
"Wish I could stay," said LB, "but I have a
market to manipulate. Ta-ta!" Before we realized what he was
doing, he crossed his arms genie-style, wriggled his nose, and
disappeared in a puff of Styrofoam peanuts.
Dejected,
we all stared at the spot where the CEO of LB Snacks had again
escaped justice.
"Someday," promised
Jaana.
"Let's move on," I said. "We are near the
end."
We found a cave that led back into the caverns
and spelunked further, mopping up the final enemies in the
dungeon with refreshing style.
 page 4_files/u4_89.gif)
We
found the door to the Chamber of the Codex. I used the
three-part key to open the door's bizarre lock. The tumblers
fell, but the door would not open. We all jumped at the
sudden, loud ring of a voice over the intercom:
"Word
of Passage?"
Ah, so this is the part of the game that
some of you were complaining about on the first page of the
thread. I knew the three syllables of the Word: "Amo," "Cor,"
and "Ver." But what was the correct order? This would be easy,
thought I. I had to use the Bell of Courage, the Book of
Truth, and the Candle of Love, in that order, to enter the
Abyss, so the Word surely had to be "corveramo." How could
those other Gone Golders have had so much trouble here? I am
so smrt! Imagine my surprise when the voice over the intercom
told me to try again. I suspected that I would not get an
infinite number of chances, so I looked up the walkthrough to
learn the correct Word. I spoke it into the intercom, and
there was a loud buzzing sound. The door was
unlocked.
Beyond the door was an antechamber in which a
bored uniformed security guard was doing a Jumble word puzzle
at her desk. She didn't look up from her puzzle as we entered
and stood in front of her. After we stared at her expectantly
for a minute, she finally sighed and drawled,
"Yes?"
"We'd, uh, like to see the Codex?" I replied
nervously.
"Name?"
"Sausalito Johnson
McGillicutty."
"Occupation?"
"Shepherd. Was also
a lawyer, until—"
"Marital status?"
"Single and
unbetrothed."
The guard slowly got up and walked to a
filing cabinet, making a big show of the effort. She pulled
out a sheet of paper, sat back down heavily, and began reading
aloud a series of questions to quiz me on the virtues and
principles. The questions were on the order of, "Which virtue
dost thou practice whilst sharing thy ham sandwich?" I had to
look up a walkthrough for some of the answers, because the
questions were kind of vague. The final question was the
game's equivalent of "What is the answer to life, the
universe, and everything?" I guess this was the Pure Axiom,
which I had heard of in my overland travels but never
deduced.
"Erm ... Truth! Love! Courage!" I
attempted.
"No," answered the guard.
"Till all
are one?"
"No."
"Be excellent to each
other?"
"No."
"For those about to rock, we
salute you?"
"No."
"What do you mean, African or
European?"
"No."
"One fish, two fish, red fish,
blue fish?"
"No."
"I'm about to look up a
walkthrough to find out what the Axiom is, since you won't let
me pass without it, and I've gone through too much trouble to
turn back now?"
"No."
Each of the "visions" I'd
received while gaining an eighth of Avatarhood included a
squiggly symbol. I figured that these symbols meant something,
but I had no idea what. As I learned from the walkthrough, the
symbols were letters from the game's runic alphabet, and I was
supposed to write them down and decode them for the final
answer. Oh well. I gave the guard the answer and she replied,
"Go on in," followed by some mumbled instructions I couldn't
make out. She picked up a pencil and returned to her Jumble
puzzle. Not once during the entire exchange had she made eye
contact with us, an admirable feat of apathy.
I stared
at the doorway leading to the Chamber of the Codex. "Go for
it, man," said Tubbs. "That place is for you and you
alone."
"We'll be right here if you need us," said
Jaana.
With my heart doing tai-bo kicks in my chest, I
stepped slowly through the doorway. The Chamber was a little
room even smaller than the antechamber, containing nothing but
a rack of pamphlets and brochures with titles such
as:
Looking and Feeling Virtuous Are You Eating
Enough Snacks? Attachment Shepherding Men Are From Mars,
Women Ask For Directions Are You an Orc or a
Troll? Humility: When You Stink at Everything Else How
to Perform a Navel Self-Examination Chicken Vindaloo for
the Soul I'm 'Meh,' You're 'Meh' Talking to Your
Children About Safe Specs
After some perusing, my
eyes fell upon the object of my quest:
 page 4_files/u4_90.jpg)
I
took the one remaining copy and sat in a corner to read it. It
stated that the Quest of the Avatar was really a lifelong
journey, and that avatarhood was a living gift that needed to
be nurtured constantly, and so on. I fell asleep trying to get
through the thing, and when I awoke, I was back where I was
before this whole story began: at the stonehenge. "Welcome
back to the real world," I told myself.
It was over;
the quest was finished. My shepherd's cane and Mystic Robe
were gone, replaced by my favorite mesh shirt and Cavariccis.
In one hand, I held my only souvenir from Britannia, the prize
for enduring the ordeal:
 page 4_files/u4_91.jpg)
I
stuck the Ankh in my back pocket and trudged to my home in the
suburbs. I fixed myself a pickle-and-Vegemite sandwich and
plopped in front of the television. In a curious intersection
of realities, the evening news was reporting my
achievement:
 page 4_files/u4_92.gif)
I
took the Ankh from my pocket and stared at my reflection in
it. I thought of all the things mentioned in the Codex, and
all the virtues I discovered. What was the point of finding
them? Hadn't I only succeeded as LB's pawn in his mad quest
for power? Did I inspire common townsfolk to be virtuous, or
was I just passing by as they fell sway to his dominion? Who
exactly did I help?
I flung the Ankh across the room,
glad to put the whole sham behind me. The Ankh bounced off a
wall and landed in a fish bowl, frightening the little
goldfish inside so much that it leaped out and began flopping
on the rug. My cocker spaniel, Chepito, made a beeline for the
fish, knocking over a lamp that hit a bookshelf on the way
down. The bookshelf had never been properly secured to the
wall, so it now came down bringing all eighteen volumes of the
Encyclopedia Britannica upon my noggin. As I slowly
extricated myself from the mess, covered with the bruises and
papercuts of education, I realized the answer to my question.
I did help some people, and now I wanted to be with them. I
ran out of the house and belly flopped into the stonehenge by
the fair, where a blue gate was
shimmering...
--------------------------
"How
many shrines must a shepherd find Before he becomes
Avatar? And how many snacks must Lord British
sell Before he owns all near and far? And how many posts
will a gamer write Before he decides it's the end? The
answer will be in the Codex, my friend The answer will
BLAAARRRGGHH!"
Tubbs's daughter had him in a
playful headlock and pulled him to the ground, guitar and all,
as we laughed at the old bard's awful songwriting. "Tell your
old man it's time to retire, Julia!" said Shamino.
The
moongate in the stonehenge had taken me back to the
Renaissance fair, where I begged the gypsy to send me back to
Britannia. She once again deposited me in Magincia. I used the
Moongates to travel to where Tubbs, Jaana, Mariah, Shamino,
Geoffrey, Dupre, Julia and I had planned to go after
completing our quest: our vacation spot, Moonglow. My friends
were relieved to see me after my disappearance from the
Chamber of the Codex, and now we were enjoying an evening
clambake on the beach near our favorite pagoda.
As
Tubbs tuned his guitar for his next song, I got up to retrieve
the six-pack of Balronkugel that I had left chilling in the
ocean water. Jaana ran out to join me, and we waded together
through the twin moons' reflections in the water.
"So,
Jaana," I said as I tore off two beers from the six-pack,
"what are your plans?"
"We're going after Lord
British," she said. "Rather, I'm going after Lord British. We
all seem to be heading our separate ways. You truly are going
back to shepherding?"
"Ba-a-a-a!" Jaana gave me a
shove. She hated when I did that. "Yup, tis the shepherd's
life for me. Won't it be hard to take LB down on your own,
though? We couldn't even touch him as a firm."
"I'm
retaining a grassroots activist litigator named Zachariah
Blackthorn. He's supposed to be very good."
"Good luck
with that," I said, handing her a beer and opening my
own.
We leisurely waded back toward the others in the
cool ocean water. After a few steps, Jaana stopped and faced
me.
"Sausalito," she said, "I know I took the firm on
different paths than you envisioned. I know I marginalized
you. I didn't return your affections, and can't blame you if
you want to depart. But everything I have now, I owe to you.
You showed me a world bigger than Yew, and brought out
strengths I didn't know I had. I still need you. We have to
prevent LB Snacks from destroying the junk food industry and
dominating the economy. I cannot imagine doing it without you
by my side. You may not be able to practice law, but we could
start a new firm with you as our corporate executive. You'd
make the business decisions, while Blackthorn and I fight in
court. What say you?"
"No, Jaana," I replied. "I've
decided that every person is an Avatar, and must go where his
soul takes him. You're destined to become a great antitrust
lawyer, while I'm just a simple shepherd who can't even cast
spells. But a shepherd has battles, too, and people to help.
My calling might not be as grand as your struggle against Lord
British, but my sheep need me."
Jaana swallowed hard,
and now stood very close to me. "But what about us?"
I
took her hand and looked into her eyes for a long time. Then I
turned to the moons, twin sentinels of a departing day. "Our
destinies may take us apart," I said, "but we helped each
other find them. That's our 'us.'"
 page 4_files/u4_93.gif)
That's
all she wrote! Thanks for letting me turn the challenge thread
into my psychotic little experiment. I'm not sure what came
over me, but it was fun. Thanks also for all the comments and
encouragement. You motivated my madness.
As promised, I
will set up a website for all this. It will be a while before
it's ready, as I plan to do more than just copy and paste what
I've written; I want it to be special. But I will post here
when it's done. Maybe you guys can help me with the title for
it. I'm thinking of naming it, "Ultima IV: ______," where the
"______" would be one of the following:
- The Shepherd's
Tale
- The Little
Shepherd
- Of Sheep and
Snacks
- Wool You Love Me
Forever?
- The Adventures of
Sausalito
Do you guys think one of these would be good, or have a
different idea?
Good night! Time to count me some
sheep.
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CeeKay Gone Golder
|
posted
IP: Logged |
/me applauds!
Let
the cowbells ring in joy!
Excellent work! bravo! bravisimo!
quasimodo!
I'd go with 'Adventures of Sausalito' as the
sub-title. So, to ask the question that is on everybodys
mind:
What's your next project? Knights of the Old
Republic? Ultima V? Minesweeper?
![[Wink]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/wink.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
The Meal Golden Moderator
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Of Sheep and Snacks would
be my preference. Top-notch work from beginning to
end.
At one point we debated having a "thread of the
week" type post on the front page (to keep it semi-active),
and this was unanimously selected (I was the only person who
voted as the idea died on the vine). When you get a site up
and running, I'm sure we can give you some front-page
lovin'.
Thanks for sharing! Go recharge the batteries
with minesweeper for a few weeks, and then promise us that
you'll be back.
~The
Meal
-------------------- Power to the
preamp!
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
|
posted
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quote:
Originally posted by
CeeKay: What's your next project? Knights of the
Old Republic? Ultima V? Minesweeper?
Ultima V is
right out! I've read about the plot, and have a pretty neat
idea on how to make it sound like "The Matrix." (The
Ultimatrix?) But if I Photoshop another game, I'd want to
enjoy playing it, and I don't think I would if V is similar to
IV.
I have an idea for for Knights of the Old Republic,
but it wouldn't work on the forum since it would be
user-interactive; I'd have to set up a website. That game
would take a lot more skill to Photoshop, since its graphics
are much closer to life.
Biyobi already did a good one
for Minesweeper, though it was a bit abrupt. The
main character obviously underwent a profound transformation,
but I wouldn't have minded a bit of romance on the
side.
I see my bandwidth for the day is already gone. I
shouldn't have made that News Flash GIF so large in dimension.
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bluefugue Gone Golder
|
posted
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quote:
But if I Photoshop
another game, I'd want to enjoy playing it, and I don't
think I would if V is similar to IV.
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Khelavaster Gone Golder
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Absolutely hilarious
!!!
But many pic links are broken now. I really want to
save this for posterity... I request, no, demand the creation
of a website to hold & preserve Sausalito's adventures
!!!
Peace, Khelavaster
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Head Gone Golder
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posted
IP: Logged |
Totally and utterly side
splitting, cola out the nose hilarious, right down to the last
GIF. Thank you so much Hipolito, for bringing huge smiles and
sudden strange bursts of laughter coming out of my office on
what is normally a mundane day at
work.
~H
-------------------- Allie Keys:
When you're little, you like to think you know everything, but
the last thing you really want is to know too much. What you
really want is for grown-ups to make the world a safe place
where dreams can come true and promises are never broken. And
when you're little, it doesn't seem like a lot to
ask.
| |
Khelavaster Gone Golder
|
posted
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Really, is it just my end
or are nearly all of the images in page 3 down?
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CeeKay Gone Golder
|
posted
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quote:
Originally posted by
Khelavaster: Really, is it just my end or are
nearly all of the images in page 3 down?
From what I
understand Hippolito only has so much bandwith to host them
with, and when it gets exceeded the pics go down for awhile
![[Frown]](Gone Gold Forum GG Challenge Ultima 4 (Now the Adventures of Sausalito by Hipolito) page 4_files/frown.gif)
-------------------- Ceekay on:
Half-Life 2
Watch, it'll be so buggy it'll
reformat your hard drive when you try and uninstall it and
then Gabe Newell will show up and take a big stinking dump on
your keyboard while pointing and laughing in your face as he
screams 'Whose bitch are you now?'
| |
Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
|
posted
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I'm sorry you guys are
having trouble getting the images to load, I am too. In
Internet Explorer, I emptied the cache and went through all
four pages, and got all but two images on the fourth page (u4_89.gif and u4_90.jpg) to work. I tried loading those
images individually, and get the "owner of this file has
exceeded their daily usage limit" message, even though the
usage bar on my image server account says I still have over
half my bandwidth left. I emptied the cache and tried again,
same problem with just two pictures.
Then I tried
Netscape Navigator, and once again, I get all but those two
pictures to load. Another weird thing is that my usage bar
isn't tracking the usage correctly, saying that only a few KB
have been used after I've downloaded megabytes (it's usually
pretty accurate). I'll send an e-mail to my image server, Village
Photos, maybe something is up on their
end.
[ 08-19-2004, 10:55 AM: Message edited by:
Hipolito ]
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
|
posted
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To those who are getting
red Xs for some of the pictures (as I still am), try the
following:
- Right-click on the
picture and copy the image URL
- Paste the URL in the
address bar and add a question mark to the end of it
- Hit
Enter
Assuming that I haven't run out of bandwidth, this
should let you view the image. It's kind of a pain, but
according to my image hosting service, it happens because the
browser or ISP is not caching the image correctly. Adding the
question mark "fools" the PC into thinking the image is new,
so that it will load it from the hosting service rather than
the cache.
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Justin Gone Golder
|
posted
IP: Logged |
quote:
Originally posted by
Khelavaster: Absolutely hilarious !!!
But
many pic links are broken now. I really want to save this
for posterity... I request, no, demand the creation of a
website to hold & preserve Sausalito's adventures
!!!
Peace, Khelavaster
How about
Ultima 8 instead?
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Hipolito Gone Golder 2 hit points
|
posted
IP: Logged |
Why not
both?
Ultima VIII: THE SNACKS STRIKE
BACK
Once upon a time in Britannia...
The end.
I need help.
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